The Hidden Strength in Me

From Milka Ivanova, 52 years old, Patient

Acute stress is said to drive a chain reaction…our body listens, records and reacts…

In 2021, my persistent cough – which I attributed to smoking – led me to my first chest X-ray, where suspicions were confirmed by  a CT scan and a pet scan. My adventure with lung cancer had only just begun. Truth is I felt overwhelmed at that time by family issues. I felt my body and soul exhausted. Then came the diagnosis. What followed was an ultimatum from my husband, a psychological warfare to make me leave the house amid chemotherapy and radiation.

In 2022, my husband passed away and I was left to manage mixed emotions, my disease and the uncertainty about the future. How difficult it all was! I wonder where I found the strength to go on with my life. We don’t even know how strong we are until we are forced to bring that hidden strength forward. It comes to the surface to pull us up when all seems lost. We become heroes.

“Now, we move forward!” That’s what I keep telling myself, I continue with my treatment, following the doctors’ instructions, trying to pull myself together. I am slowly finding peace and balance. At this point, I would like to mention FairLife’s Psychosocial Support Program BREATH, where I participate in group therapy sessions. The program worked so well for me, so therapeutically, that I feel grateful to FairLife and its actions. I was finally able to share my pain, exchange experiences with other members of the group about the disease, to find common ground, experiences that unite us all. Group therapy makes you feel that you are not alone. You have people around you who understand you, professional psychologists who can feel you and help you take the next steps. On smoking, I would like to say that I have been more of a passive smoker for many years than an active one. Through my adventure with lung cancer, I felt the stigma surrounding the disease, associated with smoking. The question “Did you smoke?” was the first question I was asked when they found out about my diagnosis. In group therapy, some patients have never smoked. People need to become more informed, more knowledgeable and more empathetic towards people who struggle with the disease. It’s a matter of culture.

27/01/2023